Scouser will be away checking in on his holiday villa secret hideout and also testing his new diabolical sun block device, the test is timed to coincide with the total eclipse so as to remove any suspicions the authorities may have. Everybody will still think this is the eclipse but my device will prolong the effect. If all goes well then I will be able to emulate an eclipse at any time, anywhere in the world. This is part of Phase II of my world domination plans Mwahahahaha!!!!

1… London Hackney Carriages (taxis/cabs) must carry a bale of hay and a sack of oats.

2… It is illegal for a lady to eat chocolates on a public conveyance.

3… It is legal for a male to urinate in public, as long it is on the rear wheel of his motor vehicle and his right hand is on the vehicle.

4… Placing a postage stamp that bears the Queen (or King) upside down is considered treason.

5… It is illegal for a woman to be topless in public except as a clerk in a tropical fish store.

6… Excluding Sundays, it is perfectly legal to shoot a Scotsman with a bow and arrow.

7… A license is required to keep a lunatic.

8… If someone knocks on your door and requires the use of your commode, you must let them enter.

9… You can only shoot a Welsh person with a bow and arrow inside the city walls and after midnight.

10.. It is illegal for a Member of Parliament to enter the House of Commons wearing a full suit of armour.

11.. Any boy under the age of 10 may not see a naked manequin.

12.. Any person found breaking a boiled egg at the sharp end will be sentenced to 24 hours in the village stocks (enacted by Edward VI).

13. All English males over the age 14 are to carry out 2 or so hours of longbow practice a week supervised by the local clergy.

Hi All, This is just a little not to say there may be some interruption to the normal operation of this site as I have decided to change from Textpattern to Wordpress”. This has now become a necessity as more and more people have had problems putting URLs in their comments. Sometime later today I will be transferring the site over (which may or may not cause me problems, I don’t know yet). Let’s just hope not. I may also decide to change the theme yet, I’m not quite sure.

What a wonderful night

Following up from this article. The charity evening was a huge success and an excellent night’s entertainment was had by all. Andy was the centre of attention as he whizzed round the dance floor in his wheelchair.

Entertainment started with local band The Big ‘E’ who played some rock classics to get the night going in the right direction.

A short while later we had a couple of songs by Nathan aged 8 & Tom aged 11 (who also entertain us on Saturday evenings as the junior members of the ‘Kingston Roadshow’ Karaoke) accompanied by Paul & Ian on acoustic guitar. This, for a lot of people, was unexpected and was an excellent addition to the advertised lineup.

Then came the low point of the night when local ‘comedian’ ventriloquist Paul Levent took to the stage. After attempting to tell 1 (one) joke, he failed to attract enough attention from his audience (who were still buzzing from Tom & Nathan’s set) that he collected his gear and left abruptly. This was so sudden that more than half of the audience didn’t even realise it had happened & when they found out many agreed that it was very unprofessional.

As there was now a gap in the entertainment, the final band The Dirty Monkeys agreed to do a second set so as not to spoil everyone’s evening. They started off with some ‘Meatloaf’ classics and rocked us through the evening.

Between Dirty Monkey sets a raffle was held and as guest of honour Andy drew the first winning ticket. The raffle raised £600. A digital radio was auctioned & raised £100 and a generous anonymous donor stumped up another £100.

I’ve go so much work on today that I can’t post. Please feel free to talk amongst yourselves.

1… For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash twice a day.

2… Every time they repainted the lines on the road, you would have to buy a new car.

3… Occasionally, your car would die on the freeway for no reason, and you would accept this, restart, and drive on.

4… Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart;
in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.

5… Only one person at a time could use the car, unless you bought ‘95, ‘98, NT or XP models. Then you would have to buy
more seats.

6… The cars would all come with BLUE screens.

7… The oil, water, temperature and alternator warning lights would be replaced by a single ‘general car fault’ warning light.

8… New seats would force everyone to have the same butt size.

9… The airbag system would say ‘Are you sure?’ before going off.

10.. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.

11.. Micro$oft would require all car buyers to also purchase a deluxe set of Rand McNally road maps, even though they neither need them nor want them. Attempting to delete this option would immediately cause the car’s performance to diminish by 50 per cent or more.

12.. Every time Micro$oft introduced a new model, car buyers would have to learn how to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.

13. You’d press the ‘Start’ button to shut off the engine.